


Bad Luck Blues

by loonachos



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Demons, F/F, Supernatural Elements, Superpowers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:48:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23861824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loonachos/pseuds/loonachos
Summary: A hopefully short story with supernatural elements. Hyunjin is an awkward teen of separated parents that’s trying to find her place in life. Along with her best friend, Chaewon, they find themselves in more trouble than they could handle when they find out secrets about why Hyunjin’s mom really left.
Relationships: Jung Jinsol | Jinsoul/Kim Jiwoo | Chuu, Kim Hyunjin/Park Chaewon | Go Won, Kim Jiwoo | Chuu/Kim Jungeun | Kim Lip
Comments: 12
Kudos: 69





	1. happy sad

Everyone has their own demons that they fight. Some keep them out of sight better than others. Others have them out in the open like a trophy on display.

Staring off into space without a thought in mind was something Hyunjin was good at. She was also a professional when it came to blending into the background, but lately, the skill she has learned to master has been letting her down.

“Kim Hyunjin.”

A stern voice was heard from afar. It was there, but not loud enough to register in her head that someone was calling. It wasn’t until her name was repeated and a swift kick she felt that radiated from the leg of her chair, all the way up to her desk caused her to jolt in her spot. Quickly snapping her head away from the window, she turned to see that all eyes in the room were on her. She slowly sunk down in her seat as her shoulders slightly rose from the unwanted attention.

“Is the book discussion too boring for you, Ms. Kim?” The scrawny old woman at the front of the classroom asked. She pushed her glasses up with one finger and folded her arms, waiting for an answer.

Hyunjin felt her ears heat up from embarrassment and cowered even lower. “Sorry, Mrs. Shin,” she mumbled, hoping that would be the end of their interaction and her classmates could go back to not knowing who she was.

The teacher then sighed and looked like she was about to say something else, but stopped herself. She kept her gaze on Hyunjin for another second before shaking her head and continued on with the class.

Hyunjin gave out a sigh of her own, feeling relieved and a bit grateful that her teacher decided to let the issue go.

Mrs. Shin was a tiny woman that worked at the school for so long that she used to teach Hyunjin’s mom when she went there. She couldn’t understand how a person as miserable as Mrs. Shin could stay in one place for so long. Old pictures of the campus showed that there hasn’t been much change to the structure besides the new gym that was built a few years ago and some extra classrooms that were off to the side at an inconvenient location away from the main parking lot. But in the end, the only difference that mattered has always been new students coming in after the old has graduated. Mrs. Shin has probably seen it all. While she looked mostly the same throughout the yearbooks, thanks to her amazing aging, Hyunjin wondered how much the woman has changed, having to build new relationships over and over as people left while she stayed.

She has heard stories from time to time of what her mother was like in school, but hearing it from various people that knew her mom during adolescent years made her feel like she couldn’t quite place those characteristics in the woman she lived with at home. Her mother didn’t radiate confidence like what her last year’s physical education teacher likes to mention or how often the words “ambitious” and “passionate” were often brought up from other people.

Hearing what her mother used to be like made Hyunjin sad. She doesn’t voice it, but thinks Mrs. Shin notices and is thankful that the woman stopped telling her stories of the past. She kind of regrets barely responding back though, hoping that Mrs. Shin knows that she appreciates the teacher that always tries to throw life lessons into her classroom. Most kids just think that she’s an old grump, complaining about the world, but out of everyone in the school, Hyunjin related to Mrs. Shin the most. The lonely soul that is on standby as everyone else around her moves forward.

“You’re usually good at pretending to take notes while you space off to wherever you space off to.” A high pitched whisper to her right caused Hyunjin to pause the doodling on her notebook.

“Stop talking to me,” came Hyunjin’s reply as she rested an elbow on the desk, chin on her loosely closed fist. Glancing up, she saw that Mrs. Shin had her back turned before quietly talking again. “And that kick to my chair.” She looked down while rubbing the side of her hip dramatically. “I can still feel it on my right buttcheek.”

The other girl snorted before clearing her throat and sitting up straighter. When she saw that the teacher didn’t notice the noise, she kicked Hyunjin’s chair again, but lightly this time. “You should be thanking me,” she hissed. “Mrs. Shin looked like she wanted to chuck her book at you but then decided she didn’t want to damage her 60th anniversary edition on your big ass head.”

Hyunjin rolled her eyes with a scoff, but didn’t reply. Instead, she looked up again, only for her eyes to meet Mrs. Shin for a brief second before she shifted her attention away awkwardly. Being awkward was also something Hyunjin was a professional at. She wasn’t always like this. Growing up, she considered herself outgoing and friendly, but being friendly wasn’t what people wanted in other friends. She had groups she used to hang out with, and they talked about this and that, but she wasn’t ever interested in surface level conversations about love or fashion or the latest gossip. And when she talked, everyone stopped, but they weren’t listening. She thought they were, or maybe she was just naive, maybe in denial that she was different than most people. Eventually, they got bored of her or did she get bored of them? She doesn’t even remember when it happened, but one day, she woke up, went to school, and for the first time, she ate lunch by herself under a tree with no leaves, keeping her under the spotlight of the sun she tried so hard to hide from.

“Do you love Mrs. Shin that much or are you going to pack up or what?” The same teasing voice to her right spoke. 

Hyunjin’s mind forgot that she was in school again as she snapped out of her daze, realizing that she didn’t even hear the bell that signaled the end of her last class. She sat there with a blank expression and dropped her pen on the desk as students fled out to the freedom of the weekend. Reaching down to her left to pick up her backpack, she lazily used her arm to sweep everything on her desk into the already open bag before zipping it up. Her movements automatically became faster as she slung her backpack over her shoulder when she saw Mrs. Shin looking in her direction from the corner of her eye. Not waiting to see if the woman wanted to talk to her or not, Hyunjin sprinted out of the classroom, almost getting hit by the closing door as she swiftly squeezed her body through.

Spotting her classmate outside waiting for her, Hyunjin tugged at the smaller girl’s elbow and dragged her off. “Chaewon,” she growled in a threatening tone. “Would you stop saying Mrs. Shin’s name in the class like she can’t hear you?” 

The said girl let out a laugh. “Chill, Hyun. If she could hear that far then she could probably hear Heejin and Ryujin blabbering in the back too.” Her expression then softened, shooting Hyunjin a quick look at the more than usual distracted girl. “You’re okay though, right?” The question instantly changed the atmosphere, but they both tried not to show it.

“I’m fine,” Hyunjin mumbled, shoving her hands into her hoodie pockets. She took a glance at her friend too to see that the girl had her eyebrows scrunched together at the reply.

Park Chaewon would be the definition of popular if she actually cared enough to keep friends around. Entering in the middle of freshman year, the petite blonde transfer student was the talk of the school with her princess like aura. Everyone crowded around, wanting to get to know her. Everyone wanted to be her. Hyunjin wondered what it was like to be her. She wondered what it was like to be liked.

Seeing that the frown on her friend’s face was still there, Hyunjin took her left hand out of her pocket and linked her arm with the blonde.

Chaewon looked up with raised eyebrows this time, but didn’t comment on the contact. They usually showed skinship when they were in a good mood, but lately, it has been more out of comfort.

“Thanks for asking if I’m okay, Chae,” Hyunjin said quietly as they made their way off the school ground.

Chaewon chuckled a bit. “I still can’t get used to you thanking me for the smallest things.” Maybe it was because she was young, but it was usually the other way around with her thanking adults out of respect while she didn’t get much in return. And friends just didn’t thank friends for that kind of stuff, not that she knows of anyways.

“It’s not small. Most people just ignore me, but you actually ask, you know?”

Letting out a sigh, Chaewon pinched Hyunjin’s, causing the other girl to whip her head around with a glare.

“What was that for?” Hyunjin yelped and rubbed her arm that she was trying to yank away from the blonde to no avail as her friend clung on.

“You can make friends if you actually tried, you know?” She mocked back the last part of Hyunjin’s other sentence.

The other girl scoffed. “You’re one to talk,” she commented on Chaewon’s lack of a friend circle.

“Okay, but that’s different. I don’t want to make friends. I’m content just hanging out with you and sometimes bothering Heejin and Ryujin, but they’re always together doing something stupid, so I rather do stupid stuff with you.”

“So you’re only hanging out with me because you don’t want to third wheel the besties?”

Chaewon tried to pinch Hyunjin again, but the taller brunette was prepared this time and side stepped away to pose like a ninja in defense. Unamused and rolling her eyes at her friend’s antics, Chaewon pulled Hyunjin back towards her so that they could link their arms again.

“What I mean is that if you just try talking instead of avoiding everyone’s gaze, then maybe you could have these friends you’re always talking about.” Chaewon looked over, trying to read Hyunjin’s expression. “I know your other friend groups were shitty, but from what I hear from you, you just haven’t found the right people.” She paused for the brunette to respond, but when she didn’t get one, she spoke again. “You’re not weird, Hyunjin,” she said carefully, hesitant to bring up the topic. “You shouldn’t want to be friends with people who say mean things about you anyways. You should be able to say what you want to say without them judging you.”

Hyunjin could only sigh. “I just don’t get why people think I’m weird.” She often wondered if the things that went through her head were different from others around her. The things she said were never the right things to say and her actions were many times questioned when she couldn’t understand why.

“I just said that you’re not weird, Hyunjin,” Chaewon scolded in a firmer tone. “Look, society places us in this tiny box, right?” She drew a square into the air with both her index fingers and waited for a nod before continuing. “This tiny ass box wants us to all think the same, act the same, hell, we’re even dressed the same.” Throwing her arms and kicking a leg up, she motioned to the school uniform they were wearing to prove her point. “What’s the point of that? I have my own thoughts that I’d like to keep without anyone else trying to influence me with their bullshit and not to brag, but my maturity level is way beyond most of these kids,” she said with a playful smirk on her face while using a hand to throw her hair back.

Hyunjin laughed at her friend’s words and gesture, wondering how such a person like Chaewon could weasel their way into her life so easily.

The blonde smiled, enjoying the fact that she was the reason for Hyunjin’s laughter. “What I’m trying to say is,” her voice trailed for a bit, “is that you shouldn’t hide from the world because you’re scared of rejection. Failure is a part of life and I want you to live it, Hyun. Like I’m shy, you know I’m shy, but I mustered up courage to talk to you because, because I don’t know, I guess I was curious about the inaudible mumbles I heard from you talking to yourself all the time. And you know what? The interaction wasn’t that bad. I thought you wouldn’t even respond, but look at us now.” Throwing her free arm up in the air, she pointed between the two. “We’re inseparable,” she finished her ramble, looking over to see a tiny smile from Hyunjin that made her smile too.

“I know you’re right but,” Hyunjin started with an exhale. “I used to be scared of being alone, but now, I’m more scared that I think that’s how I want to be. I get lonely all the time, you know that, but I’m not lonely when I’m with you and I think I’m okay with that,” she finished sincerely.

Slumping her shoulders a bit, Chaewon didn’t know whether that statement should make her feel proud of being Hyunjin’s one and only friend or sad that her best friend was content with being miserable. “Look, we can hang this weekend and talk about crap no one else talks about and work on a new project or something, okay?” They turned the corner of the block and began to walk slower as they were getting closer to Chaewon’s place. “What are you working on anyways? Are you done with that mini table with benches for the squirrels in your backyard?”

Hyunjin shook her head. “Almost. I still need to nail it to the fence, but I need your help to hold it up. I also don’t know whether I want to paint it or just leave it with its natural color.”

Chaewon nodded, slowing down her steps even more as her house came into sight. “The natural wood color is nice,” she suggested. “Do you want me to stay on the phone with you on your way home?” Already pulling out the device before she finished asking.

Shaking her head again, Hyunjin let go of her friend’s arm to put on her other backpack strap and tightened it. “I’ll be fine. I’ll call you later, but probably a bit late if that’s okay? I have to help mom with dinner.”

“If that’s okay,” Chaewon repeated the words in a mocking manner. “I sleep when the sun comes up and you call me any time, anyways, so of course it’s okay.”

“I was just asking to be nice.” Hyunjin rolled her eyes and threw her hood on. She always felt a bit safer all bundled up when she was walking home alone as ridiculous as that seemed. It was her equivalent to throwing the blankets over as a kid when monsters came into the room at night.

They reached the first destination faster than they would have liked. Both gave each other a knowing look before hugging as if it was their last — a usual routine they did after school.

“Please text me when you get home.” Chaewon was the first to pull away from their embrace. “Don’t make me call your mom again,” she threatened with a smile that was about to break out on her face.

Hyunjin laughed at the memory that popped up into her head. “My mom was so confused on why you were calling her in the middle of our dinner talking about kidnapping and serial killers on the rise.”

Chaewon groaned. “That was so embarrassing. I could have just asked if you were home and waited for a yes or no instead of panic rambling.” She then gestured to her house. “I really should get inside. You should go before it gets dark. The sun’s been going down faster these days.”

Nodding, Hyunjin waved another goodbye before watching her friend disappear into her house. Being alone now, there was a difference in the air as she hugged herself and walked as fast as she could. Her house was about a 20 minute walk from Chaewon’s, and besides the first part of walking to school on her own, this was her least favorite part of her day. She hated going to school, being around people she didn’t want to be around, but being completely alone like right now scared her more than she liked to admit. It was the unknown of if she’d ever see anybody again. Afraid that nobody would be there when she opened the door.

“Hi!”

Hyunjin’s head that was rapidly filling with negative thoughts turned into confusion and alarm that someone might be trying to get her attention as she quickened her pace. All of the sudden, Chaewon’s talks about serial killers and unsolved mysteries replaced everything in her mind instead and she couldn’t help but say quick prayers to the sky.

“Hey! Girl in the uniform that goes to my school!” The voice tried calling out again.

Stopping in her steps this time, Hyunjin was relieved that the voice didn’t sound like it belonged to anyone threatening and that it would be better to take Chaewon’s advice of talking to people that tried to talk to her instead of just running away. She then bit her lip and turned around to face the newcomer that was approaching her. Holding her breath, she wasn’t sure what to do as she stood there and awkwardly waved her hand. She wondered when things have changed for her, remembering days of being carefree with how she acted, but couldn’t even properly wave at someone now without overthinking her friendliness.

When the girl finally got close enough to stand right in front of her, Hyunjin almost wanted to laugh that just a moment ago, she was scared of this girl that was almost a head shorter than her, making her even tinier than Chaewon. The laugh almost slipped out, but she stopped herself, reminding herself that she should probably be polite rather than joke around with people she first meets.

“Hyunjin, right?” The tiny girl in the extra small uniform asked. Her hair was jet black, a few inches below her shoulders with side swept bangs. “I’m Yeojin,” she introduced herself before Hyunjin could even answer.

The taller girl nodded slowly, not sure of what to say.

“I see you all the time,” Yeojin talked again as they began to walk. “I usually stay a bit after school, but I sometimes see you walking home alone when I get out earlier. You live in the gates right?” She asked, referring to the apartments that were gated after too many crimes occurred around the area.

Hyunjin nodded again. She became embarrassed that someone from her school knew that she lived at the cut off border of who could attend such a highly ranked school. Living in such a run down place compared to her peers made her feel less, but looking at the other girl in the same uniform as her, she was glad that no one could tell the difference in social status between them right now.

“I live pretty close to you then, in the valley.” Yeojin’s smile seemed to get wider, her grin looking like it was permanently plastered on.

The valley was a neighborhood right before where she lived, away from the crime, behind higher and stronger gates than her apartment complex could ever afford. A good portion of students lived there if they didn’t live around Chaewon’s area.

“That’s a bit of a walk from school,” Hyunjin finally spoke up. Most kids had rides if their house was more than a 10 minute walk away or did after school activities and waited for their parents to come pick them up. Hyunjin was an exception and didn’t want her mom to pick her up, knowing how tired the woman was after getting off of work, and insisted on walking home.

Yeojin rubbed the back of her neck and let out a little nervous laugh. “About that,” she started. “Okay, but can I firstly say that I am not a creep?” Keeping her eyes on Hyunjin, she waited for a reply.

“Um, okay,” Hyunjin answered, not sure what direction their conversation was going.

“So, I’ve always wanted to walk to and from school with friends, but me, being a whole five feet tall.” Yeojin placed her hand near her forehead to emphasize her small statue. “My parents won’t let me because none of my friends walk home.”

“But you’re out here, walking home right now?” Hyunjin questioned in confusion.

Yeojin squinted her eyes and laughed. “But I’m with you now and yeah, well, I actually had a ride, but then I saw you walking and I was like to my mom, ‘Hey, Mom, that’s my friend from school and she’s walking all alone. You don’t want her to walk all by herself when it’s getting dark, right?’ and of course my mom agreed, although I know she knows that it was part of my usual scheming ways.”

Hyunjin, again, didn’t know how to respond. “Um, so you’re liking this walk?” The words came out of her mouth before she could think of something else better to say.

“Yeah, it’s nice to have a breather in between home and school.” Yeojin laced her fingers together and placed both hands behind her head as she walked in a carefree manner. “It’s like we’re trapped in time where nothing else exists before having to enter back into the real world. Just a small break, you know?”

“Yeah,” Hyunjin agreed. It was strange to talk to someone else besides Chaewon and actually relate to what they’re saying. Usually people just talked to talk, but this new girl wasn’t afraid to deviate from small talk and just cut to the chase.

“You don’t talk much, do you?”

The brunette felt her ears heat up like earlier in class. People often told her that, but she didn’t understand why. It seemed more times than not that people weren’t satisfied with the responses she gave. They always wanted her to talk more when she talked less and talk less when she was in a good mood. And hearing that question being asked again from someone she just met after not socializing with anybody in a long time made her want to recoil back into her insecurities.

“That’s okay. I think I talk enough for the both of us.” Yeojin grinned until her eyes disappeared but suddenly, her face changed into a lightbulb moment. “You know what’s a great idea? We should walk home together more often.” She was getting excited, but then calmed down for a second. “Unless you don’t want to? Sorry if you just wanted to be alone and I’m invading your bubble,” she apologized, sheepishly.

“No,” Hyunjin blurted out, not wanting her potential friend to think that she wasn’t interested. “It’d be— it’d be nice to have someone to walk with especially since the sun’s been going down faster these days,” she stammered, repeating what Chaewon had said earlier in hopes that her reply would suffice. Chaewon, she thought, wincing in realization that she should have asked her friend first. “Actually, for the first part, I walk with another friend who lives closer to the school.”

“Oh, Chaewon, right?”

“You know her?”

“Who doesn’t know her?”

Hyunjin tilted her head and then gave a slight nod of agreement when she concluded that everyone in the school knew her friend. “I don’t think I’ve seen you around.” Come to think of it, the tiny girl walking next to her didn’t seem familiar at all, and now, she wondered if Chaewon knew her.

“That’s because I just entered the school.”

“Freshman?”

“I’m a sophomore transfer, but I guess I’ll be a freshman forever with my height,” Yeojin joked with a straight face.

“Sorry,” Hyunjin replied, thinking that she had said something offensive.

Yeojin chuckled at the apology. “You’re supposed to laugh at my sarcasm, not say sorry.” She lightly nudged the taller girl, playfully.

Hyunjin stiffened at the touch, almost looking like a deer caught in headlights wanting to say sorry again, but knew that wasn’t the right response, so instead, a tiny noise of frustration left her mouth.

“Hey, I gotta turn the left up there.” Yeojin pointed ahead. “Too bad it’s the weekend, but is it cool if I walk home with you next week?” She asked right away, not sure how Hyunjin was feeling, but wanted her to know that she wanted to be friends.

“Sure.” Hyunjin’s reply was followed by a quick nod, thankful that the other girl ignored her awkwardness.

“I’ll see you then, okay?” Yeojin smiled and waved goodbye.

Hyunjin waved back, watching and waiting until Yeojin’s figure became too small to see and then she crossed the street to the right and continued her way home. She wasn’t sure how she felt about what just happened. On one hand, she accomplished something big by holding a conversation with someone other than Chaewon and her mom, but on the other hand, she couldn’t help but start to replay everything in her head, overanalyzing it piece by piece. It was like she was grading herself, giving points here and there, but mainly more criticism than anything.

Chaewon always tries to encourage her to talk to others and Hyunjin agrees that it’d be good for her to socialize, but every time she does, the headspace she’s in right after is so miserable that she doesn’t think it’s worth it. The constant rumination that eats at her as she beats herself up for things she should have said or done differently doesn’t leave her alone. And she knows tonight won’t be any different as she lies awake in bed overthinking her whole conversation with Yeojin.

This was why she could only be friends with Chaewon. She didn’t have to overthink with her. Her best friend knew all of her flaws and still chooses to be by her side.

Finally making it to a flimsy looking gate, Hyunjin dug around in her pocket to pull out her key. Clumsily unlocking it, she then walked a bit more, up some stairs, and through her front door.

“Mom, I’m home,” she called out, taking off her hood and remembered to text Chaewon that she made it back alive. When she didn’t hear a response, she kicked her shoes off and went to the kitchen, throwing her backpack down on the couch on the way. Upon entering, she looked around to see her mother standing still with her back towards her. Frowning, Hyunjin took slow steps forward. “Mom?”

The woman with dark brown hair and bangs gasped, turning around to face her daughter. “Oh, Hyunjin. You startled me.” She then smiled the smile Hyunjin hated seeing, the ones that never quite reached her eyes.

“Sorry, I just got home.” Hyunjin returned the fake smile. She then took notice that her mother had a hand behind her back, fiddling with something, but she didn’t let her eyes trail down there. “Have you started dinner yet? Do you need help?” Not waiting for a reply, she walked over to the sink to wash her hands to let her mom hide whatever she was trying to hide, almost not even wanting to know what it was. 

Ignorance really was bliss.

“No, I just got home too.” Lie number one. “It’s okay, I can whip something up real quick for the both of us.” Lie number two.

“It’s okay, Mom. I can help,” Hyunjin insisted like she always did. Walking over to the fridge, she opened it and examined its contents for a second before she started to pull out ingredients. “How was your day at work?” She asked while calculating what foods can be used and what should be saved for later.

“Oh, it was fine, nothing much.” Her voice sounded chirpy, but Hyunjin knew better. “Was school okay for you?”

Hyunjin hummed in response. “I’m not sure if Mrs. Shin likes me too much.”

Her mother chuckled, the sound genuine this time, making Hyunjin smile unconsciously. “I don’t think Mrs. Shin likes anybody.”

“She likes you,” she said without thought, handing her mom vegetables to wash as they moved in sync around the kitchen.

“That’s because everybody likes me,” her mom jokes, but it was true. Kim Jiwoo was as bright as the sun, displaying smiles for everyone to see, but that public persona came apart behind closed doors. Kim Jiwoo was flawed just like everybody else, trying to keep her demons at bay, but she couldn’t keep them away as they leaked through, threatening to burst at any second.

Hyunjin placed a piece of beef that didn’t look like it could feed the two of them onto the cutting board. “Is Aunt Jungeun coming over this weekend?” She asked, cutting the beef into small cubes. The beginning of the weekend usually started with some sort of meat for dinner since they couldn’t afford to have it often.

Jiwoo made a noise in thought. “I’m not too sure. I can text her later.”

“I can text her,” Hyunjin offered, knowing that her mother probably wouldn’t get around to it. But even if no text was sent, she was almost certain that her aunt would show up anyways unless she was busy. 

Jungeun, her aunt, was actually just her mom’s best friend. They weren’t blood related, but they might as well be with how often the woman was over. Sometimes she wished that her aunt would just move in so that her mom wouldn’t be alone. She really feels like it could be a possibility with how much stuff her aunt leaves at her place, claiming that it’d be a hassle to drive back and forth when this was like her second home anyways. Hyunjin didn’t mind. Jungeun was practically another parent to her and she sometimes wished she was vocal enough to thank her aunt every time she made her mom laugh.

Hyunjin doesn’t go out much, but when she does, she always felt guilty, wondering if her mom was okay on her own. She eventually just stopped going out altogether because of the constant worry, so now Chaewon just comes to her house instead of alternating between places every weekend. Even that made her feel guilty though, thinking that their friendship wasn’t an even exchange, but Chaewon always reassured her that that wasn’t how friendship worked. Chaewon loved her mother, finding comfort in someone else because her own parents were often away on business trips. They loved her dearly, but just couldn’t be there for her like how Hyunjin’s mom always was.

Putting the cubed beef chunks into a bowl, Hyunjin eyeballed some sauces and spices and threw it in. She then turned around, watching her mom’s back as she minced up the garlic to finish off the marinade. “You’ve been letting down your hair more often,” she commented, also taking note that her mom was looking smaller than she already was in her clothes lately. Not letting the thoughts swimming in her head render her still, Hyunjin forced herself to move and went to stand next to her mom by the sink to wash her hands. She ran them under such hot water that her hands started to turn red.

“Yeah, I just wanted a change,” Jiwoo replied with a shrug.

Hyunjin barely heard the answer, not knowing how long the water was on for until her mom turned the knob to a cooler setting; the change in temperature bringing her mind back to where her physical body was.

“Are you trying to burn yourself?” Her mother scolded angrily, turning off the water and yanking Hyunjin’s hands towards her to rub.

“I was just washing my hands, Mom.” Hyunjin wasn’t entirely lying, but the whole spacing out habit was becoming more of an issue for her lately.

Her mom didn’t respond. Instead, she dropped Hyunjin’s hands from her hold and paced around, mumbling to herself for a short moment before turning back to her daughter. “Honey, you’re okay, right?” Her eyes were full of worry.

“Yeah, Mom. I’m fine,” Hyunjin answered. “Are you okay?” She asked back, uncertain of how her mother was going to respond.

“Me?” Jiwoo pointed to herself. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” She shook her head and let out an airy laugh. “I’m sorry for snapping at you.” Rubbing her eyebrow with the back of her arm, she went back to what she was doing. “Maybe work wasn’t as fine as I said it was. It’s just been stressing me out a bit.” She smiled one of those smiles again, the ones Hyunjin called her ‘happy sad’ smiles. Happy sad smiles are the ones displayed for everyone to see so that they don’t question the emptiness that lurks inside. “But that shouldn’t be an excuse. I’ll do better.”

Hyunjin frowned at the reply. “What are you talking about, Mom?” She couldn’t pretend like she didn’t notice something was wrong anymore. Carefully placing an arm over the woman’s shoulders, Hyunjin pulled her in. She felt her mom stiffen at the contact before accepting the hug. “I love you, Mom,” she said each word firmly. “You’re amazing and I love you so so much.” Kissing her on top of her head, Hyunjin could feel her heart break at how small her mom felt in her arms.

Jiwoo sighed contentedly at her daughter’s words. “I love you so so much too, baby.” Reaching a hand up, she caressed Hyunjin’s cheek before kissing it. She then pulled away, turned to put the garlic into the bowl of meat, mixed it, and then covered it with saran wrap like their whole exchange wasn’t weird. “Don’t you have to go call Chaewon? Go relax. I can finish up making dinner.” Her tone was more high-pitched than it was before as she changed the subject.

“Mom,” Hyunjin gently called out, hating that this was their usual routine of tip toeing on eggshells around each other.

“It’s fine, really.” Jiwoo turned her acting voice down a notch, but kept the smile there. “There’s not much left to do. I’ll call you when the food is ready.”

Hyunjin hesitated, not wanting to leave her alone, but knew it might be better to just leave than make a big deal out of their interaction. She watched her mother’s back that was already towards her for a while longer before heading off to her room.

Pushing the door that squeaked annoyingly, Hyunjin entered her batcave where the only sunlight that ever got through was from a tiny crack in her curtains that she was too lazy to adjust. Her bed looked so tempting to plop on, but she quickly shot down the idea, knowing that she’d have a hard time dragging her body off of it once she was on. She hazardly threw herself on the chair instead, almost toppling over if it wasn’t for the pile of clothes next to it.

Placing both elbows onto her desk, she rested her head onto her palms with fingers massaging her scalp as she felt a headache coming on. She then exhaled loudly and hung her head back, staring at the ceiling. She stayed in that position until her neck got too sore and then sat back up on her chair. Reaching over to her drawer, Hyunjin opened it up and pulled out her sketchbook that was more like a doodlebook than anything. Flipping to a random blank page, she looked around at the different mediums that were available to her. She wasn’t sure what style she was in the mood for until a box of crayons caught her eye, instantly pulling the corners of her mouth up into a smile.

Picking up the item that sat on top of other notebooks that were off to the side, Hyunjin examined the box, only now realizing that she didn’t even own crayons. Confused, she tried to think of where it could have come from, but didn’t have a clue. Concluding that it was just her mom or Chaewon trying to be cute by giving her a small gift, she opened it up and spilled out the contents for easier use.

“Huh.” Hyunjin tilted her head at the colors that came out of the box. She was expecting the usual basic colors with how small the container was, but instead, they were all replaced with different shades. Not thinking too much of it, she then hummed a soft tune in hopes it would help her pick which crayon should be her first. Finally settling with a peach color, she began drawing random animals, smiling to herself that she felt like a kid again. Switching colors here and there, it didn’t take much time for Hyunjin’s thoughts to wander as her drawings became mindless doodles.

It wasn’t until some weird sensation on her hand caused her to snap out of her daze. Looking down at her sketchbook, blues, purples, and specks of white light emitted from where the tip of her crayon touched the paper. She immediately dropped the writing utensil as if it was on fire and sprung up to back away, almost tripping over her chair in the process.

Hyunjin stood there frozen with a dumbfounded expression on her face. “What the hell?!”


	2. dead star

Blinking a few times, she still didn’t move an inch as her eyes scanned the entirety of her desk and then let them land on the yellow crayon she had just been using. Not seeing anything out of the ordinary, Hyunjin let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding, making her shoulders relax. She swallowed the nervousness in her throat and took a careful step towards her desk before taking a seat on her chair again. Staring back and forth between the crayons and her doodles, she let out a laugh, thinking that she really must be out of her mind now. Shaking her head, Hyunjin slowly reached out and picked up the yellow crayon. It was more of a mustard yellow than anything, reminding her of soft pretzels dipped in a sweet and savory mustard sauce, but quickly brought her thoughts back from the distraction.

“Am I going crazy?” Hyunjin mumbled to herself while twirling the object between her fingers. She then held her breath and hesitantly placed the tip of the crayon back onto the paper. At first, nothing happened, but she began to press down harder, dragging the writing instrument across steadily as the same colors started to burst under her fingers. Dropping the crayon out of alarm again, Hyunjin pushed herself back from the desk. “What the hell is happening to me?” She was certain that it was all in her head.

As a kid, Hyunjin always had more of a vivid imagination than most of her peers. While they were playing house, she was busy exploring the wonders of alternate dimensions without realizing it. Kids her age couldn’t keep up with her, so she found herself hanging out with older students, but even then, she wasn’t accepted. No one wanted to be friends with an unconventional weirdo that was always in her own world.

Hyunjin didn’t like to be alone. She loved being around others, but others didn’t like being around her. It was a constant struggle of self identity and whether she should just cave in and try to figure out how to be “normal”.

If Chaewon could hear her thoughts right now, she knew that her best friend should smack her over the head for thinking such things. The small girl was her breakthrough in finally understanding a bit of herself. Just as the last drop of her self confidence and will to drag herself off her bed every morning was going down the drain, Chaewon appeared in the most frilly looking dress in front of her classroom one day. It wasn’t until they became closer that Hyunjin found out that the blonde was only in a dress because her new uniform shrunk too much when she tried to wash them herself. It wasn’t until her new friend laughed at her jokes and genuinely listened to her talk that Hyunjin realized that she didn’t need to be anybody else around Chaewon. She could be herself and that was enough.

Was it enough now?

If she called Chaewon right now and explained what just happened, what would her friend say?

“Stupid,” Hyunjin insulted herself, lightly using the bottom of her palm to smack her own head. She hated acting out scenarios in her mind, placing words into people's mouths that have never been said. It was her way of preparing herself for any type of situation when interacting with others and she hated that this bad habit was surfacing again when she thought of her best friend.

Deciding that she wanted to figure out what was going on first before talking to Chaewon, Hyunjin grabbed the bottom of her desk and pulled herself back. She cracked her knuckles, stretched her neck, and then grabbed a different crayon. Again, she placed the tip on the paper and quickly drew a circle before throwing it down and hugging herself in a defensive position, waiting for something to happen, but nothing did this time. Eyes trailing to the yellow crayon at the edge of her desk, Hyunjin cursed under her breath.

“Is it just you, little one?” She talked to the crayon nervously. Gritting her teeth for a moment, she finally picked the original one up that caused this mess in the first place. “Okay, you got this, Hyunjin,” she prepped herself up.

Repeating the motion, she drew a circle the size of a quarter as colored lights emitted at an unreal brightness. Closing off the shape, the crayon dropped out of her hand unconsciously from being in awe. Staring at the lights that were coming off of her paper, Hyunjin was entranced by what was going on and found herself getting closer until her face was directly above the drawing. Not sure if the lights became dull after a moment or if she just got used to it, Hyunjin stared until she realized that the small circle she drew had something that filled it. Curiosity getting the best of her, her face inched down as she felt her lungs constricting from an unknown feeling that was sent down her spine.

Hyunjin shot up straight when her brain started to process what it was taking in. “What the hell?!” She repeated the same line from earlier, muttering things here and there before staring at her paper again, or staring into it anyways. Now using it like a peephole, Hyunjin placed her right eye over the circle.

She was looking into a room. It wasn’t just any room though. At first, she was confused, but she couldn’t mistake the polaroids that hung on the wall for anyone else’s but Chaewon’s. Her face was in a good chunk of them after all. Eyes wandering, she didn’t spot her friend anywhere until she heard a familiar high pitched singing voice that caused her to jump back in her seat and scrambled to try to get rid of the accidental peephole that she created. In the middle of her panic, Hyunjin’s eyes widened as she watched the peach colored crayon roll towards the drawn circle. She tried to reach for it when half of it went on top before tipping over and disappearing into the hole. 

Her hand grabbed at nothing.

The hole had closed up, leaving no evidence that a yellow circle was even drawn amidst all of her other doodles.

“I am definitely going insane,” Hyunjin concluded, getting off of her chair to pace around her room. She yanked at her hair and growled out of frustration. “I just wanted a normal life, but no, I just have to be so mentally unstable that I’m starting to see things now. What the hell am I supposed to do with this? What does this mean?” She rambled to no one.

Hands on her hips, Hyunjin stopped pacing and looked at her door. Without much thought, she walked towards it and slowly opened it, trying not to let the hinges squeak. She stepped out of her room and peaked around the corner. Just as she suspected, she saw her mom sitting on the couch, tv on some random channel and no smell of food coming from the kitchen.

Everything was always situational. Most days, Hyunjin stayed to help until the food was ready to be plated. Some days, Hyunjin left midway when she read the air of how her mom was acting. Some days like today was when she didn’t feel like eating, but always made sure that her mom did even when she insisted she wasn’t hungry.

She contemplated on stepping out to finish making dinner, but stopped herself when she realized that her mom was quietly talking on the phone. Not wanting to interrupt since she didn’t know her mom’s mood at the moment, she decided to go back into her room. She locked the door this time, which was something she never did, but she had to make sure no one was going to enter any time soon.

Hyunjin walked back to her desk, eyes immediately landing on the yellow crayon that stuck out from the rest. Knowing that there was no way for her to concentrate on anything else, she picked it up again and went over to a blank spot on her wall between her bed and closet. She was a bit hesitant, but wanted to understand what was going on, so she crouched down and let her hand move on its own as it placed the object at the bottom of the wall where it met the floor.

“Here goes nothing.” She dragged the crayon upward as the same colored lights began to blind her, she then curved it at the top, and finally brought it back down to hit the other side of the ground, creating a makeshift doorway. “Holy crap,” she uttered as everything inside of the drawn shape started to warp until she could make out a familiar location that she hasn’t been to in a long time. Every feeling that could be felt suddenly rushed over her as she tried to steady her breathing. And without even thinking, Hyunjin crawled into the portal.

Breathing in, Hyunjin took notice of how much colder the air was here compared to in her room. She couldn’t believe what was happening as she sat on the ground and leaned back, forgetting about the entryway she came from until her back hit a solid door, making her realize that what she drew behind her was gone. She stood up in panic, feeling blood rush up to her head, making her feel dizzy for a second, but shook the feeling when she looked down to see the yellow crayon in her hand. Pocketing it for safekeeping, she glanced at the door again and then turned around.

Hyunjin wasn’t in her room anymore. She was now staring into an old house she hasn’t called home since she was a kid. Involuntary tears started to surface, but she angrily wiped them away with the back of her sleeves. She didn’t even make it a step in when the phone in her pocket started to vibrate. Thinking it was her mom trying to get into her room, Hyunjin quickly pulled it out, but the name displayed on the screen caused her to frown in confusion instead. She let it ring a few more times, thinking of just ignoring it like she usually did but, instead, she hesitantly accepted the call and brought it up to her ear without saying anything.

“Hyunjin.”

Her name was called out by a voice she felt like she hasn’t heard in ages.

“What are you doing there, Hyunjin? How did you get there?”

Questions were thrown at her as she finally let the tears fall down, temporarily blinding her vision.

“Hyunjin?”

She wanted to scream, to cry out in the empty house, but instead, she placed the phone closer to her ear. “All this time and you can’t even ask me how I’m doing?” Her voice was flat, but the bitterness behind it didn’t go unnoticed.

“Honey, there isn’t a second in my day where I don’t think of you, but you can’t be in that house.”

Hyunjin straightened up her shoulders at how stern the other person sounded, which was unlike their usual tone. “I just wanted to see you, Ma,” she whispered out truthfully as her voice trembled.

“I know, baby. I know,” the woman on the other line replied with sadness laced with every word.

“Then why don’t you come home?” Hyunjin spat in anger this time. “Do you even care how Mom is doing these days? Do you know how much it hurts me every time she tries to pretend she’s okay as if I don’t know when she’s feeling like shit? Do you?!” She yelled, the end echoing throughout the house like it was mocking her.

“Hyunjin,” the women tried again. “I know that we have so much to sort through and we will talk about it, I promise you that, but I need you to listen to me. I don’t know how you got into the house, but you need to go right now. Is your Mom there to pick you up? If you’re there without her knowledge, I can call you a ride or something.” She was speaking fast, just letting whatever sentences leave her mouth without thinking too much.

“Promise?” Hyunjin scoffed. “You promised you’d come back home as soon as you could,” she paused and clenched her fist to control her emotions. “It’s already been 4 years and where are you now? Are you going to miss my graduation like how you’ve missed everything else too?”

There was a shaky exhale on the other side of the phone. “That promise still holds true, but there’s just some things you don’t understand.”

“Then make me understand!” Hyunjin yelled, not being able to hold back.

“Go home. Go home and then call me. We will talk about everything and anything you want, but please, you have to go. Now,” she begged over and over.

Hyunjin shook her head as she looked up at the ceiling that used to be covered in plastic glow in the dark stars. She was always afraid of the dark, so her other mother, her Ma, plastered them up there, telling her that she’s never alone among the stars, yet here she was, alone. “Whatever,” she said in defeat. “It’s not like anything I say will make a difference.” Acting out of anger was never a good idea, but at that moment, Hyunjin didn’t care as she thoughtlessly dug into her pocket and pulled out the crayon. Not saying another word, she hung up the phone and drew another door. Seeing a portal back to her room open up, she stepped through and turned around just in time to see it close up behind her.

Hyunjin was standing back in her room, but everything felt off now, like her new discovery gave her a secret that just changed her entire life. She took notice of her trembling hand that still held the crayon as she lifted it up to her eye level. Trying to get herself to stop shaking, she stood there, but the stillness in the room started to become unbearable as she stomped over to her desk and dropped the object that started this all.

The phone that was in her other hand started to vibrate again. Looking down, Hyunjin scoffed as the name “Jinsoul” displayed on her screen once more. Pressing the button on the side of her phone to silence it, she then threw it onto her bed. The silence didn’t last long as it went off for a few more rings before stopping altogether. Curious, Hyunjin went over and flipped the phone over to see that she had one new voicemail.

The realization hit her slowly. Her Ma called right when she had entered her childhood home, knowing she was there. There must have been cameras installed or something. She wasn’t even aware that that house still belonged to them, but it did make sense once she thought about how bare it was, indicating that no one lived there.

Hyunjin started to feel anxiety build up after all the other emotions faded, almost putting her into a panic that if there were cameras in that house, then her other mother probably saw her draw out some sort of portal and just disappear into it. She thought of calling back to explain what she couldn’t explain, but the feeling of wanting to vomit made her bolt out of her room instead and into the restroom.

Lifting the toilet seat up, Hyunjin crashed down onto her knees and emptied out the contents of half a sandwich she had shared with Chaewon at lunch up into the bowl. Dry heaving a few more times until there was nothing left, she grabbed more toilet paper than she needed to wipe her mouth, and then threw it in before flushing. She sat down on the ground, back to the wall. Not allowing herself to drown in all of her thoughts, she decided that she was going to face one problem at a time as she picked herself up and shakily made her way out of the restroom after cleaning herself up.

Entering the living room, Hyunjin saw her mom still watching tv and wanted to let out a sigh of relief that at least, at this moment, things were as normal as normal can be. “Mom.” She almost didn’t trust her voice to make a sound, but it thankfully did. Walking over, she sat down on the unoccupied spot on the couch. “Did you need help with dinner?” She asked, looking down to see her mom clenching onto her phone.

Jiwoo hummed in response. “Oh, the beef.” Throwing her hands slightly into the air, she chuckled at her forgetfulness. “I was just talking to Jungeun and lost track of time.” She placed a hand on Hyunjin’s thigh and gave it a soft squeeze. “I’m sorry, baby. You must be hungry from all of that school work.” She was about to get up when her daughter’s hand stopped her.

“It’s okay.” Hyunjin stood up instead. “I can make it real quick and we can eat sitting in front of the tv.” Before Jiwoo could argue back, Hyunjin was already going into the kitchen.

When she was alone again, Hyunjin brought her hands up to see it still slightly shaking, but most of the adrenaline had already worn off. She took a deep breath in and then exhaled through her mouth a few times, a technique her aunt had taught her mom to calm down her racing mind. Finally feeling okay enough to proceed, she went on autopilot as muscle memory took over the cooking. She wasn’t a great cook, only knowing how to make things here and there from helping out her parents make food. It was when her other mother left them that she was forced to learn because the mom she stayed with had a hard time coping. 

Jiwoo was an amazing cook, always giving too much credit to the love she puts it in rather than her own skills. Hyunjin missed her mom’s cooking, but at the same time, nothing tastes good anymore. She ate to survive and even then, there were too many skipped meals until Chaewon noticed and scolded her for it. Like how she wanted to scold her mom for skipping meals, but she’d be a hypocrite, so she keeps quiet and does her best to make sure her mom eats.

Turning the stove off after some time, Hyunjin plated the food, always putting a part of her own portion onto her mom’s instead, never knowing if she had eaten that day. She then carefully picked up the plates and walked back to the living room, sitting down on the same spot.

“You always give me way too much food,” Jiwoo commented with a smile as she thankfully took a plate. “And it looks amazing as always,” she added on. Looking over at her daughter’s food, she took notice of the difference and tried to transfer some of her meat over to Hyunjin’s.

“I’m fine, Mom.” She pulled her plate away. “You know I always taste test a bunch before bringing it out.” She winced at how easy it has been to lie lately.

They ate mostly in silence after settling on a random rerun of an old show to watch. It’s been their daily routine to at least have one meal together in front of the tv. They used to eat at the dining table, agreeing that television could be watched at any time, but that meals were family time. It was Hyunjin’s favorite part of the day. Her family were all big talkers, the house being loud with just the three of them, but she loved it. Not really enjoying school because of her lack of friends, she was free to say whatever she wanted during meal time and vice versa, but once her parents separated, everything changed. The tradition of eating at the table died the day their family of three became two in a house that all of the sudden felt too big for them, too big that they decided to move and leave those memories in the past.

“Did Aunt Jungeun say she was coming over?” Hyunjin asked, breaking the quiet atmosphere.

“I didn’t ask her, but I’m sure she’ll be over.” Jiwoo had stopped eating after a few bites, mainly just mixing her food around.

“You have to ask, Mom. You can’t just assume things. I’ll give her a call after dinner, okay?” Hyunjin suggested again, being used to having to take up more responsibilities than she should have to.

Jiwoo didn’t reply right away, shoving a small mouthful of rice into her mouth when she saw her daughter eyeing her plate. “I know, Honey. It just slipped my mind when I was on the phone with her. She’s busy, you know. New job and all. I’m so proud of her,” she said sincerely.

Hyunjin nodded. Her aunt had gotten a new job, but that was almost a year ago. She didn’t get why her mom often said things that didn’t really make sense, but then concluded that that’s probably how other people must feel when they talked to her. She thought she made sense, but guessed that everyone else just heard gibberish from her. “Did you take your medications yet?” She then asked, remembering that she had to memorize her mom’s schedule as well as her own.

“I think I did,” Jiwoo answered while looking off somewhere to try to recall her day.

“I’ll check.” Hyunjin stood up after clearing her plate. “Please try to eat a bit more? You need food in your system with the meds.” She pointed at the barely touched food and waited until her mom ate a spoonful before walking off.

Placing everything into the sink, she then made her way to her mom’s room. It was dark like her own, with curtains closed and bed unmade. She picked up a few items off of the ground and placed them back where they belonged. Reaching the nightstand, Hyunjin sat on the bed and opened it. Blindly feeling around, her hand landed on the pill organizer that she had bought for her mom. Her eyes immediately teared up when she noticed that the case was mostly full, indicating that her mom hasn’t taken any of her medications since the last time she reminded her earlier in the week. She clenched her eyes shut and gripped the item in her hands tightly, feeling guilt at the bottom of her stomach that was making its way up her throat. She had been so out of it this week that her mom was at the back of her mind instead of up front like how she should be.

Breathing in deeply, Hyunjin grabbed the half empty water bottle on the nightstand and reentered the living room. “You forgot to take your meds for the past few days,” she brought up in a calm voice.

Jiwoo looked up in surprise. “Really?” She asked, tilting her head. “I swore I took them, or I thought I did anyway.” Bringing the open water bottle that Hyunjin handed to her to her lips, she sipped it and then took the pills her daughter had poured out. “Thank you for reminding me.”

Hyunjin watched her mom take all of her medication before taking the bottle to close it. “One more spoon of food and then I’ll put it away, okay?” She tried to make a deal with her mom.

“Now, who’s the mom here?” She joked with a chuckle, but did what her daughter asked.

“You are, Mom,” Hyunjin said quietly, missing how vibrant the woman in front of her used to be. She bent down to kiss her mom on top of the head. “I’m just going to draw in my room and call Chae, so you don’t have to come in to check up on me before bed.” The lie slipped out of her mouth so smoothly as her mom smiled and went back to watching tv.

After putting everything away and doing the dishes, Hyunjin went back to her room where she had almost forgotten about what had happened earlier. Her eyes automatically landed on her phone, so she went over to her bed to sit down. Picking it up, it was now or never as she pressed the button on the side to light up the screen. She expected to see more missed calls from her other mom and she was right, but the other name that popped up a bunch of times made her eyebrows scrunch together in confusion.

Calling back, she let it ring until a tired woman’s voice greeted with a rough hello. “Hey, Aunt Jungeun. Sorry I missed your calls. I was eating dinner with Mom.” She tried to sound as normal as possible, but she wasn’t so sure what that even means anymore.

“Hyunjin,” her aunt replied back louder this time. “Where are you?”

“I’m at home,” Hyunjin answered.

“Is your Mom home?”

“Yeah, I just told you that I was eating dinner with her.”

“Then why did your Ma call me a million times until I couldn’t ignore it anymore?”

Hyunjin shot up from her bed with wide eyes. “Wha— What did she want?”

“I don’t know. She was talking nonsense, well, more nonsense than usual.” There was a pause where Hyunjin could hear a moment of hesitation just from the way her aunt was breathing. The woman wasn’t really good at hiding her emotions and Hyunjin could read her with her eyes closed. “You’re okay, right?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” Hyunjin didn’t want to freak out, but she was definitely freaking out although she was trying to mask it.

“You weren’t at your old house near your Ma’s parents, right?”

Hyunjin let out a nervous laugh. “What are you talking about? That house is hours away. I was helping Mom cook after school and just finished dinner,” she repeated for the third time, hearing her aunt return the laugh.

“Yeah, that’s ridiculous,” Jungeun said more to herself than Hyunjin. “Do you guys need groceries?” She asked, changing the subject. “I can pick some up tomorrow since I’m coming over anyway.”

“That’d be great. Can you make sure Mom actually eats her food when you’re with her? I think she eats more when you’re around than when I tell her to,” Hyunjin replied fast, trying to keep the topic off of her.

“Of course.” There was another pause and more sighs of hesitation before her aunt spoke again. “Just to let you know, there’s a big possibility of your Ma coming back to town tomorrow too.” Hyunjin closed her eyes and felt dread flow throughout her body. “She was really spooked or something. I’m not sure what it was, but she sounded really worried about you.”

“What is she worried about? If she’s so worried, she shouldn’t have left in the first place.” Hyunjin couldn’t help the words that rolled off of her tongue.

“Hyunjin,” Jungeun sighed out softly.

The amount of times people have been saying her name like that today was starting to annoy her.

“I know things have been tough,” her aunt carefully said. “I’m not saying that what your Ma did right, but she loves you. I was angry at her too. I still think I am, but maybe it’s time to hear what she has to say.” She herself has been guilty of ignoring her close friend, choosing Jiwoo over the woman that left them. She couldn’t understand why Jinsoul left, leaving her wife and daughter behind with no real explanation was so out of character.

“If Mom doesn’t want to talk to her, then I don’t want to either,” Hyunjin argued, but knew she couldn’t avoid her other mother after what she had witnessed. She had no idea how she was going to get out of this situation.

“I’m not forcing you to do anything you don’t want to, but I’m just letting you know that she wants to see you and I have to tell your Mom about this.”

“No,” Hyunjin immediately protested. “Mom’s sick. Mom was sick and that woman still left her,” she snarled through gritted teeth.

“Hyunjin, that woman you’re talking about is still your mother,” Jungeun scolded.

“She fuckin’ left with excuses saying that it’d be better for us and that she’d be back and, and,” Hyunjin shouted, not realizing how loud she was getting. “You’re not here all the time to see how Mom is. You see her on the weekends, talk to her on the phone every day, but you’re not here like how I’m here to watch her fall apart right in front of my eyes.” Her voice cracked at the end as she did her best to swallow the sob that was dying to escape. “She’s not doing okay and if you tell her that Ma is coming back for the visitation rights she thinks she has or whatever, I don’t know what’s going to happen to Mom when Ma leaves again,” Hyunjin admitted in desperation.

Jungeun stayed silent for a moment, taking in everything she already knew, but didn’t want to say out loud. “I don’t want to lie to your Mom.”

Hyunjin let out a bitter laugh. “We’ve been lying to her for years, telling her that everything’s going to be okay, that things get better. Are things really going to get better?” She wanted someone to lie to her.

“We’re all trying the best we can in the situation that we’re in. Life is uncertain, Hyun. It might not seem like it now, but the happier parts will always outweigh the negatives. I love you and your Mom. You two make me the happiest person alive, but even the happiest person has their lows. We just have to help each other through it.” Jungeun sighed for the nth time. “I don’t want to lie to your Mom, but what she doesn’t know can’t hurt her, right? I’m going to call your Ma again and let her know if she wants to see you, that I have to be present. That’s the deal and you can’t argue with me on this.”

“Okay,” Hyunjin agreed quickly. She couldn’t be more relieved that her aunt suggested that, especially how she didn’t want to be alone with her other mother, knowing she’d want to talk about what had happened. “Thank you, Aunt Jungeun. And sorry for using curse words. I know how much you hate it,” she mumbled at the end.

Jungeun chuckled. “It’s fine.” There was the usual sigh after and then, “Hyunjin?”

“Yeah?”

“Call Chaewon after this, okay? You and your Mom are the same. You two just brood over everything by yourselves until someone actually talks to you. I don’t want you going to sleep with all those negative thoughts in your head.”

Hyunjin smiled at how well her aunt knew her. “Chaewon really is the Jungeun to my Jiwoo, huh?”

Jungeun laughed loudly at the comment. “Chae’s a good kid. I’m glad you have someone like her.” She thought back to days when Jiwoo would call her crying that her daughter was coming home from school sad. It broke her heart to know that such a happy go lucky kid couldn’t be who she was without judgment. Hyunjin and Jiwoo were alike in that way, but while Jiwoo didn’t care about what others thought of her, Hyunjin was prone to overthinking. She wanted to be everybody’s friend, but everybody shamed her for being too extraverted as if that was a negative personality trait. Hyunjin wasn’t quiet by choice. She was quiet because it was her survival instinct from the world forcing her to be someone she wasn’t. “I’ll see you tomorrow. I love you, Hyunjin,” Jungeun emphasized the words, hoping that the girl she viewed as her own daughter knew how much she meant to everyone.

“I love you too, Aunt Jungeun.” Hyunjin hung up first, not wanting the possibility of her aunt saying anything more.

She silently screamed with her mouth closed and threw herself onto her bed. The silence was making her thoughts so loud that she wasn’t sure if they were still in her head or not. Trying to think of what to do, Hyunjin tried to concentrate but everything was jumbling up in her brain that she couldn’t even pinpoint any specific thoughts to work with. It wasn’t the first time her mind raced faster than she could process and it won’t be the last, and she knew at that moment that her aunt was right. She needed to talk to Chaewon.

Picking up her phone again, she clicked her friend’s name and let it ring.


	3. 13.8 billion years

“Hyunjinie,” came a bored voice that dragged out her name.

“Chaewonnie,” Hyunjin mocked back in the same tone. “Can I come over?” She asked right away.

“It’s late. How are you going to get here? You can’t walk here. Where’s your Mom?” Chaewon talked in quick succession.

“My Mom is home. She’s fine. Do you trust me, Chae?”

“What kind of stupid question is that? Do you need me to smack you on the back of the head? Of course I trust you. What’s going on?”

The first part was said in more of a joking manner, but Hyunjin could tell that Chaewon was worried by the end of her questions. “Honestly?” She bit her lip and almost decided to back out, not wanting to involve her friend, but Chaewon always told her that she didn’t have to go through things alone, and right now, she didn’t want to be alone. “I don’t know what’s going on,” she muttered truthfully. “I just— If I suddenly appear at your house, could you promise not to freak out?”

“What are you talking about, Hyunjin? Where are you right now? Are you okay?” Chaewon was in her full on serious mode now, leaving behind her usual playfulness.

“I found this box of crayons,” she began, but then laughed at how ridiculous the situation sounded in her head, but decided that she had to say everything in one go before she got too scared. “I was just doodling, you know, just doodling my doodles while lo-fi hip hop beats played in the background,” she over explained out of nervousness. “But then, this light and this portal.” Laughing again, Hyunjin scratched the back of her neck trying her best to put the predicament she was in into words, but failing miserably. “I don’t know how or if I’m just completely crazy now, but I drew a door on my wall with this mustard yellow crayon that came from a box that I had never seen. I don’t even own crayons. But anyway, these bright lights blinded my already blind ass eyes and the door that I drew became some portal. I stepped in, it closed behind, and bam!” She smacked her hand against the bedframe to make a sound. “I’m all of the sudden teleported into my childhood home and get this, my Ma, the one you never met calls me up right away asking why I’m there. There must be cameras there or something for her to know.” She reasoned with a nod and then sighed. “Well, she wanted me to leave and I just ended up yelling at her and drawing another portal to get back to my room. At first, I was like, yeah, no, I’m definitely crazy. There’s no way that that just happened, but it did. You know how I know I’m not crazy crazy?”

“How?” Chaewon asked back.

“Because Aunt Jungeun called me when I got back telling me that my Ma called her about seeing me at that house that’s hours away. And now my Ma is apparently coming into town tomorrow because of this? What the hell am I supposed to do, Chae?” Hyunjin finished her rambling explanation with a grunt of frustration.

“Ohh— kay,” Chaewon dragged out the word, trying to wrap her head around the word vomit that was just thrown at her without warning. “So let me get this straight.” She cleared her throat and shifted around in her seat. “Mysterious box of crayons shows up. You suddenly decided to be a delinquent and draw a door on your wall. The door becomes some portal. Okay, but why did the portal take you to your childhood home?”

“Okay, first, I didn’t just randomly decide to draw on my wall. I tested it out on my sketchbook to find out its use and then decided to be a delinquent,” Hyunjin defended herself. “And now that I think about it, you’re right. I have no idea why that portal led me to that house.” Thinking about it for a second, she got up from her bed to sit back down on her chair in front of the desk. “Actually, wait.” She looked at her sketchbook that was still open, trying to remember how she felt at that moment. “When I was testing out the crayon, I drew a small hole on my paper, and through that hole,” she paused, scared that Chaewon would think she was weird. “Through that hole, I saw your room. I wasn’t trying to spy on you or anything. I guess I was just thinking about you and the crayon took me there like how it took me back to the place where my family used to be happy.”

There was no response at first, and then a simple, “Do you want to come over?” was asked, calming the brunette a little.

Hyunjin couldn’t tell what was on her friend’s mind, but was glad that she still wanted to see her, making her feel guilty that she doubted Chaewon in the first place. “Yeah,” she replied.

“My parents aren’t home,” Chaewon informed her.

“I’m not actually sure how this works.” Hyunjin realized that the two times she used the crayon, it was just to test it out rather than her having a particular destination in mind to go to. “This might not even work. I’m going to hang up, I’ll call you back if this does or doesn’t work.” Hearing an ‘okay’ in return, Hyunjin ended the call.

Pocketing the phone, Hyunjin picked up the crayon from the desk and went back to the empty space on the wall. She took a deep breath in, feeling more nervous than the first time. Before she could sike herself out, she quickly drew another shape of a door as the same colored lights filled her room. She watched as it did its thing once again until she could make out another room on the other side. Letting out a small laugh that it had worked, Hyunjin stepped into the portal and then turned to watch it close up the hole to her room.

“It worked,” she exclaimed excitedly into the empty house. Pulling out her phone, she called Chaewon again, who picked up after the first ring. “I’m here. I’ll come up right now.” She skipped steps as she made her way up the stairs. Chaewon’s door flung open before she even got to the top.

“Did you come through a crayon portal or did you break into my house?” Chaewon questioned in her disheveled hair and mint colored pajamas.

Hyunjin held up her hand with a smile, showing the mustard yellow crayon.

Chaewon shook her head, not knowing what to think and grabbed Hyunjin’s arm to drag her into her room. Maneuvering her friend over to her bed, she sat Hyunjin down while taking a seat on her computer chair, rolling over to be in front of the taller brunette. “I know what you’re thinking,” she sighed, taking Hyunjin’s free hand into her own.

Hyunjin raised an eyebrow. “What am I thinking?”

“It’s not that I don’t believe you, but I’m the type to believe it when I see it.” Chaewon held on tighter. “Don’t think that I haven’t noticed you being more distant than usual. You’ve been spacing out and I sometimes have to physically, but gently, note that I gently shove you, to bring you back down to earth. And now with whatever this is.” She gestured to the crayon that was still in Hyunjin’s hold. “What’s going on with you?”

Hyunjin slowly pulled her hand back from the blonde’s grip. “You think I’m crazy,” she stated more than asked, feeling smaller than she already has been feeling.

Chaewon grabbed Hyunjin’s hand again, holding it firmly, even as the other girl tried to resist. “No,” she uttered softly. “Would you look at me?” Her heart hurt to see Hyunjin’s eyes glued to the ground instead of on her. It took a few reassuring squeezes of the hand for her friend to finally look up, briefly making eye contact before looking away again. “What was the first thing I said to you when we first met?” She asked out of the blue.

The seemingly random question got Hyunjin to meet Chaewon’s eyes. “You said that I was pretty funny and that you’d kick anyone’s ass that thinks otherwise.” She recalled the memory with a shy smile.

“That’s damn right. And the funny part is irrelevant, but I’d still kick anyone’s ass for you, you know that right?” Chaewon searched the other girl’s eyes to make sure that their relationship hadn't changed. It has taken her a long time to gain Hyunjin’s trust and she didn’t want to lose it now. “Whatever you’re going through, I’ll be there,” she reassured, running her thumb over the back of Hyunjin’s hand. “Now, are you going to show me this crayon portal or what?”

Hyunjin felt herself tear up from Chaewon’s words, but sniffed them back as she lifted up the item for the blonde to see. “Where do you want to go?”

Chaewon smiled as she felt Hyunjin finally relaxing. “I don’t know.” She shrugged and then clicked her teeth. “I bet you the stars look amazing from the rooftop of the school.”

“Out of all places and you want to go back to school on a Friday night?” Hyunjin questioned her with a smile that matched the blonde’s.

Chaewon shrugged again. “I was going to suggest getting some dessert, but being around other people doesn’t seem that fun right now.”

Nodding in agreement, Hyunjin understood why her friend chose a secluded place. Chaewon always knew what she needed even without her realizing it herself. They definitely could use some time alone, away from everyone else.

Standing up from the bed without letting go of each other, Hyunjin pulled Chaewon up to her feet. “The portal always closes once I step through. It closed when I accidentally dropped a crayon into your room too.” She had forgotten about the lost crayon. Looking around, she pointed near the door. “I think I was looking from there because the polaroids were in front of me.” Motioning to the pictures on the wall while scanning the area.

Chaewon went over to her door, kicking things to the side that were messily on the ground. She picked up a few articles of clothing until she heard something drop. Whipping her head back to Hyunjin, she widened her eyes. “Don’t tell me that a crayon just rolled next to my toes,” she squealed out, feeling an undeniable slight touch of an object that wasn’t there just a moment ago.

Hyunjin stayed rooted in her spot. “There’s a crayon that just rolled next to your toes,” she casually said.

Swallowing the excess saliva build up in her mouth, Chaewon slowly turned her head before looking down to the ground and behold, a peach colored crayon laid there, barely touching her big toe. Jumping back with a high pitched squawk, she ran into Hyunjin’s arms. “You’ve been practicing witchcraft without me,” she accused.

Letting out a loud laugh, Hyunjin threw her arm over her friend’s shoulder. “That would be rude of me since we’re in the same coven,” she joked, trying to push the hesitant girl closer to the object on the ground. “That one’s a normal crayon I think.” She held up the one in her hand again. “Only this one did something when I tried to draw with it.” Bending down, she picked up the fallen crayon and handed it over.

Chaewon looked at it suspiciously before letting Hyunjin drop the writing instrument onto her open hand. Examining it, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. “There’s no way you could have planted that somewhere while entering my room since I dragged you in.” She tried to find an explanation. 

“Do you believe me now?” Hyunjin asked.

Chaewon gave her a look. “Like I said, it’s not about believing you or not. This just doesn’t make sense and my brain is just trying to understand how something like this is possible.” She did some weird gestures with her hands near her head. “The wheels in my noggin’ are turning, but I’m not sure if they’re actually working.”

Hyunjin chuckled at how ridiculous the other girl looked with her face all scrunched up. “I think just showing you would be better. Come on.” Grabbing Chaewon by the elbow, she led them to a space near the nightstand and tossed her a hoodie to put on. She set the tip of the crayon at the bottom of the wall like how she did in her own room. Turning to look at the blonde, Hyunjin held out her free hand. “Like I said, I don’t know how this works, but I think if we just think about where we want to go, it’ll lead us there. And with the portal closing every time something passes through, I think it’s better if we hold hands.”

Not even giving it a second thought, Chaewon placed her hand into Hyunjin’s and gave her a nod. “I trust you,” she gulped, not realizing the effect those simple words had on Hyunjin.

Feeling her heart flutter, Hyunjin intertwined their fingers together as they gave each other one last nod before she began to draw a door. She felt Chaewon’s grip tightening as those brilliant colors of blues and purples and specks of whites sprung out like a splash of paint on a blank canvas. After the outline was completed, they sat there for a moment in silence as they watched dozens of colors dance inside the shape.

Nothing felt real, but it was.

It probably only took a few seconds before the mash of colors turned into something more recognizable. Seeing that it displayed the place they wanted to go, they looked at each other again.

“Do you want me to go first or you?” Hyunjin asked.

“Can you?” In most cases, Chaewon usually was the braver one, although brave wasn’t really a word that should be associated with such scaredy cats, but right now, it would be a lie to say that she wasn’t scared shitless.

Hyunjin nodded and was about to step in when she was grabbed back.

“Wait,” Chaewon called out. Letting go of their hands, she reached over to pull Hyunjin’s hood over her head, pulling the strings so that it was a better fit and used the bunny ears shoelace method to tie them together. She then did the same thing to her own hood before holding onto Hyunjin’s hand again. “The school has cameras and I don’t have makeup on for a mugshot if we get caught.”

Hyunjin snorted at her friend’s words, but could tell that she was trying to play it cool under the layer of nervous energy. “You look beautiful with or without makeup,” she confessed nonchalantly and then finally stepped into the portal, pulling Chaewon along.

It was hard to register what was going on and by the time she realized she wasn’t in her own room anymore, Chaewon’s head wanted to explode. “How is this possible?” She questioned again, turning around to see that the opening had disappeared and they were stuck in a classroom. Touching the area where the portal had just been, she knocked on the wall a few times and then faced Hyunjin. “Witchcraft,” she concluded with narrowed eyes.

Still hand in hand, Hyunjin chuckled while looking around as her eyes adjusted to the dark.

“Why are we in Mrs. Shin classroom? I was thinking of the cafeteria.” Chaewon led them to her assigned desk and ran a hand on top as if she was still trying to see if she was really there and not in some dream.

Hyunjin shrugged, also trying to figure out why the portal showed her certain places over others. “I’m not sure, but let’s get out of here.” She was starting to feel anxious, being in a classroom did that to her even though there was nobody there. Going over to the door, she slowly pushed it open, and was relieved when no alarm was triggered.

They walked in silence, a bit scared that there was security roaming around at night. The roof they wanted to get on wasn’t an unfamiliar place, having snuck up there a bunch of times when they were feeling adventurous or bored during school hours. Passing by some more classrooms, they made it to the back of the auditorium where a ladder was attached to the side of the building for the maintenance workers. But since it wasn’t in use, their way up had to be pulled down first. 

Being the taller of the two, Hyunjin squatted down a little with her back against the wall under the ladder and placed both her hands out in front of her. “Boost you up?”

Chaewon nodded, already being used to their routine when they couldn’t reach something. She carefully set her right foot into Hyunjin’s laced hands and placed her own two onto her friend’s shoulders. And on the count of three, she was lifted up as she stretched her short limbs, smiling to herself when she got a firm grip on the bottom metal bar. It squeaked as she pulled it down, causing them both to freeze with Hyunjin’s face buried in Chaewon’s stomach.

“Stop breathing so hard,” Chaewon hissed through involuntary giggles from the tickling breath.

Hyunjin tried to say something, but it was muffled against the blonde’s body.

“What?” Chaewon asked in slight annoyance.

Grunting and shifting her weight around, Hyunjin tried to move her face away so that she could talk. “I said, shut the hell up and hurry up,” she repeated herself, feeling her legs getting shaky no matter how athletic she was.

“Alright. Alright.” Chaewon continued to pull on the bar as Hyunjin lowered her down. Once it became reachable from the ground, she let go, one of her hands resting on top of Hyunjin’s head while the other gripped onto the back of the girl’s hoodie. Awkwardly trying to hop out of the brunette’s hands, she ended up in Hyunjin’s arms as her friend tried to steady the both of them from toppling over.

They have yet to perfect the art of ending their little stunt gracefully.

“You first this time.” Hyunjin pointed up while dusting off her hands. She wanted the blonde to be above her, knowing that if she somehow fell, she wouldn’t bring Chaewon down with her.

“It feels fun and rebellious when we do this during the day, but I’m about to shit my pants right now,” Chaewon admitted as she started climbing anyway.

“Yeah, well, don’t shit while I’m under you,” Hyunjin warned while following behind, but had to keep stopping every few steps. “Could you climb any slower?”

“I’m trying my best, okay?” Chaewon snarled out, knowing that the other girl was just trying to annoy her.

When they finally reached the top, they both stood there in awe at how different it was although they’ve been there many times before. In the day, it was an escape from everyone at school, hiding up on an empty rooftop that was still quite noisy from the students below. But at night, this was an escape from the world, where there was no sound but the wind whistling in their hair and stars filled the sky. Looking at each other with a smile, they then made their way to their usual spot and laid down.

Hyunjin tried to adjust her position so that she was more comfortable, but then realized why she wasn’t. “Do you want me to be the blanket or you be the blanket?” She asked with a nudge.

Chaewon hummed in thought. “I want to be the blanket.” She outstretched her arm and waited for Hyunjin to move. Once the other girl was snugged in her embrace, she hugged her tighter. “You’re soft,” she mumbled against Hyunjin’s hooded head. “I can’t believe this is real.” Her hand went in an up and down motion on the brunette’s back, something she found herself doing, not knowing if she was trying to sooth Hyunjin’s mind or her own or both.

“I don’t even know what this is,” Hyunjin whispered. “I don’t know who left it there or how the crayon got onto my desk. What are their intentions and why me?” Now that she had some time to think, there were so many questions that will probably stay unanswered.

“I don’t know, but I’m glad you trust me enough to tell me. I wouldn’t want you to go through this on your own.” Chaewon swallowed the lump in her throat, imagining Hyunjin struggling with trying to find a way of telling her such a secret.

“It wasn’t a hard decision to tell you, to be honest,” Hyunjin expressed truthfully. “I mean, at first I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t know if this was dangerous or not, but then I thought of you probably wanting to kick my ass if I kept this from you, so,” her voice trailed.

“So you only told me because you’re afraid of getting your ass beat by a little girl?” Chaewon questioned.

Hyunjin let out an airy chuckle at how comfortable they were with each other to be able to joke back and forth while still covering serious topics. “I’m more afraid of facing my Ma than anything,” she admitted in a quiet voice. “I’m pretty sure she saw the portal when I carelessly drew it to get back to my room from our old house. How the hell am I supposed to explain that?” She wasn’t expecting a solution from Chaewon, but she was just glad that she could talk about it. “And even worse, I’ve been ignoring her calls for ages and this whole situation is gonna be our first face to face interaction in years.” Scooting away a bit, she now faced the sky, but was still in Chaewon’s arms as she rested her head against the smaller girl’s shoulder.

“Say there was probably a glitch in the matrix or something. Technology is weird, the cameras could have gone all haywire. Or maybe she experienced a night terror, those are pretty intense,” Chaewon suggested, not knowing of a better answer.

“That’s actually not a bad idea.”

Chaewon furrowed her eyebrows and glanced at the brunette. “What? That’s a horrible idea. One plus one equals two, yet we still have negative brain cells.”

“What?” Hyunjin asked back, not even feeling insulted by the obvious slander to the both of them. “Think about it though.” Moving a bit, she faced her friend again. “My Ma thinks she saw me at our old house and a freakin portal I drew using a crayon. She called Aunt Jungeun, who called me, but I told her that I’ve been home all day. And I’m still ignoring my Ma’s calls as usual, so if you think about it, it’s as if nothing ever happened. We can just chalk this up as some crazy vivid dream and go on our way,” she concluded the plan as if it were that easy.

“Damn, okay.” Chaewon nodded in agreement, seeing where this was going. “We’re like, geniuses.”

“I’m as sharp as a butter knife.”

Chaewon smacked Hyunjin’s arm at the comment. “Only I get to call you stupid. How dare you say something negative about yourself?” She scolded in seriousness.

“Ow, geez.” Hyunjin rubbed her arm. “Where were all your muscles when you were climbing up the ladder?” Earning herself another smack, she laughed at the weak assault.

Chaewon didn’t laugh along. “I really don’t like when you joke about that.”

Sighing, Hyunjin knew that the other girl was talking about her first remark. “I know. I’m sorry. It just slipped out.”

“Grades isn’t a measurement of intelligence, Hyun.” School has been more of a drag than usual for the both of them, but Hyunjin was struggling more to keep up with her school work. Chaewon knew how insecure her friend was when it came to that and hated to see her bringing herself down. “I know school is the least of your problems right now, but after this,” she made some gestures with her hands, “whatever this is is over, I can help you. I want you to graduate with me.”

“I’m going to graduate. I’m not letting writing essays and studying for exams in between shifts at work go to waste.” Hyunjin didn’t get why she had to learn about triangles or old dead men to earn a piece of paper that says she finished high school. There were more important things that should be taught instead, things she wished she knew to help her deal with the real world. “Plus Aunt Jungeun would kick my ass if I don’t do well.”

“Just your Aunt?”

“Well, my Mom,” she paused with a shaky exhale. “I’m not even sure if she’s present most of the time. Like she’s physically there, but mentally.” Stopping in her sentence, she felt a lump forming in her throat and cleared it. “I’m just not sure about anything.”

Chaewon felt a bit disappointed that she couldn’t get Hyunjin to open up more, knowing that her mom was a touchy subject that she didn’t like to talk about. “Look up at the stars,” she changed the topic and pointed up. “That’s all this world is. Our whole existence is made up of stars that exploded, creating planets and galaxies in a universe that’s forever expanding. It’s a never ending cycle, a loop that has been going on for 13.8 billion years, Hyun. We’ve been alive for how long now? Almost 18 years, but that’s nothing if you think about the bigger picture.” She looked over, scanning the side of Hyunjin’s face as it shined under the moon and stars. “We’re just specks in the universe, insignificant to the grand scheme of things, but,” she nudged Hyunjin to get the girl to look at her and then pointed to herself, “this speck in the universe somehow got to become best friends with another speck in the universe.” Nodding her head at Hyunjin, she saw a smile forming on the brunette’s face. “13.8 billions years old and yet we’re here, in this short lifetime, together, and the one thing I know for sure is that I fuckin’ love you.” She was proud that her voice came out confidently as she finished what she had to say. 

Chaewon felt moisture build up in her eyes, but Hyunjin beat her to it when tears began to freefall from the other girl’s face. Not missing a beat, Chaewon pulled Hyunjin in closer by the back of her neck and planted her lips on the taller one’s cheeks, trying to kiss the sadness away. “The world isn’t all that complicated, but we as human beings just make it that way,” she spoke softly, thumb wiping another tear that was trying to escape out the corner of Hyunjin’s eye. “Nothing I said will change the situations in our lives, but the way we think, that’s forever changing if we allow ourselves to grow.” Rubbing the brunette’s back, she kept talking to let Hyunjin have time to calm down. “The headspace you’re in is always so negative. You’re so hard on yourself that you don’t see what’s beyond that. The people that know you and truly care about you, your mom, your Aunt, me,” she sighed out. “We see something in you that you don’t and I wish you’d just take the time to get to know yourself instead of beating yourself up all the time.”

Hyunjin let out half a breath before inhaling deeply and exhaling again, trying to get a hold of her emotions. “You’re so damn poetic sometimes,” her voice cracked and faltered as she wiped her face with the back of her sleeve.

Letting out a loud laugh, Chaewon then shifted around a bit so that Hyunjin was more comfortable in her arms. “Can you imagine me publishing a book of poems where there’s a curse word every other sentence?”

“You do cuss too much,” Hyunjin agreed with a hoarse tone. “But that’s what I like about you. You’re just who you are although everyone expects you to be another way because of assumptions.” She pulled away slightly so that their eyes could meet again. “Thank you, Chae,” she then whispered. “I fuckin’ love you too.” Her voice was more firm this time. “You’re right. I’m so glad that this speck in the universe.” She pointed to herself and then to the blonde. “Got to know this speck in the universe.”

Chaewon smiled, not saying anything as she studied Hyunjin’s features. “Whatever happens, we’ll figure this out together like how we do with everything else. We take it one step at a time. And if anything ever gets too overwhelming, you come talk to me, okay?”

Hyunjin nodded and sighed contentedly when Chaewon placed a hand up to her cheek. “Are we really just made up of stars?” Curiosity getting the best of her as she went back to the topic.

Chuckling, Chaewon nodded her head too. “A death of a star makes all of these elements and sometimes has to die twice to create heavier elements like gold. Literally, everything, you and me, our clothes, technology, it’s all just made from stars. It’s really mind blowing what I can learn from boredom binging all of these videos by myself at home. Definitely beats studying crap I have no interest in at school.”

“You still do well.”

“I do well in school because memorizing stuff is easy and my parents preparing tasty food for my good grades motivates me,” Chaewon pointed out. “When they’re actually here anyway,” she mumbled, thinking about how one parent just left for a business trip while the other was working late.

Hyunjin wanted to say something when a vibration in her pocket averted her attention. She glanced up at Chaewon who was aware of the buzzing as well. Hands fumbling, she quickly got the device out, eyes widening at the name displayed on the screen. “It’s my Mom.”

“Pick it up,” Chaewon urged.

“I can’t. We have to get back.” Hyunjin sat up so fast that her head started to spin from the blood rushing up. She got to her feet and held a hand out for Chaewon to grab. Pulling her friend up, she rushed them to the ladder.

“Can’t you make a portal from anywhere?” The blonde took bigger steps, trying to keep up with Hyunjin.

The taller of the two stopped in her tracks and looked back, fumbling around again until she pulled out the crayon. “Should I just draw a circle here on the roof?” She questioned in panic as the phone kept vibrating. Her mind was not in a state to think logically.

“Just try?” Chaewon suggested, knowing that it’d take too long for them to go back down.

Hyunjin immediately bent down and placed the tip of the crayon near their feet. “Think of my room,” she instructed and then began to draw a circle wide enough for the both of them to fit through. They watched as colors lit up the night sky until their destination came into view. Hyunjin frowned at what she was looking at. “I made a freakin’ portal on the ceiling of my room,” she pointed out, seeing her bed below them.

“Just two specks in the universe dropping into a portal where gravity will pull us down,” Chaewon muttered to herself while looking into the hole and gave out a nervous laugh at the height that they’d have to fall from. “On the count of three?”

“Two.” Hyunjin couldn’t afford to waste another second.

Chaewon nodded in agreement as Hyunjin wrapped her arms around the smaller girl. They both began to count together and then as carefully as they could, stepped above the portal with eyes closed and dropped in. Hyunjin let out a yelp when she felt herself land onto her bed, while Chaewon’s voice was muffled by her face being buried in the brunette’s chest.

“Are you okay?” Hyunjin asked in concern, watching the portal above close up in a blink of an eye. She then examined the other girl, making sure she wasn’t hurt in any way.

Chaewon nodded again, untangling herself from her friend as she scrambled off the bed and into the closet to hide as she heard banging on the door.

Senses coming back to her, Hyunjin almost fell on her face when her foot got stuck on her blanket, but stopped herself from the disaster by holding onto her computer chair that was nearby. She rushed over and yanked the door open. Her mom’s fist almost hit her square in the chest if she didn’t react fast enough to step out of the way.

“Why was your door locked? Why weren’t you answering your phone?” Jiwoo’s voice boomed through the room at the volume of it. Her face was scrunched together in worry and anger, one hand gripping onto her phone while the other grabbed at Hyunjin’s upper arm.

Hyunjin gulped at the intensity she could feel from her mom. “I— I was listening to my music loudly with headphones on,” she stammered out the lie. “I told you that you didn’t have to check up on me. I just wanted to be alone.”

“You never lock your door,” Jiwoo said through gritted teeth. “I wanted to say goodnight, is that so wrong of me?”

“You’re hurting me, Mom,” Hyunjin winced, trying to pull her arm away from her mom’s grip.

Like touching a hot stove, Jiwoo immediately retracted her hand and clenched the fist to her side instead. Her angry face was now replaced with concern. “I’m so sorry, baby,” she whispered out in a trembling voice. “I was just, I just worried something happened to you.” Taking a step back, she looked at her hand and then to her daughter, not wanting to believe that she had somehow harmed the one she loved most.

Hyunjin felt guilt build up, taking the forefront of her emotions. She moved without thought and pulled her mom into her arms although she resisted the contact at first. “What could happen to me, Mom? I’m just one room away from you,” she spoke gently, running circles on the other woman’s back in comfort like how Chaewon did to her earlier. “I’m sorry I locked the door. I won’t do it again.”

Jiwoo’s tense shoulders loosen as she relaxed in her daughter’s embrace. “No, I’m sorry. It’s your room. You should be allowed to do what you want. I was just being overdramatic, wasn’t I?” She finished her sentence with a chuckle when all she wanted to do was cry.

“Your feelings are valid. You weren’t being overdramatic,” Hyunjin reassured. “I’m just going to finish up my drawing and then sleep. I have a morning shift tomorrow.” She separated them and rubbed her mom’s arm. “Goodnight, Mom.”

“Goodnight, baby,” Jiwoo replied, tiptoeing up to kiss her daughter’s cheek before leaving.

Hyunjin watched her mom until she disappeared and then stepped into her room again. Closing the door, she rested her back on the frame and leaned her head against it. Letting out a heavy sigh, she dragged her feet across the floor and sat down on her bed with her head in her hands. She heard her closet door squeaking open as she looked back up to see Chaewon slowly making her way over to her.

Sitting down so that their knees touched, Chaewon slipped one of her hands under Hyunjin’s and laced their fingers. “You okay?” She was almost afraid to ask the question.

“I don’t know,” Hyunjin answered truthfully. She let go of their hands and crawled into her bed. Feeling around, she yanked her literature book out from under her covers and carelessly threw the heavy book onto the floor with a thud. “Good thing the portal was above my bed, but that damn behemoth sized book dug into the same buttcheek that you had kicked earlier,” she said as she rubbed her behind.

“I didn’t even kick you. I kicked your desk, which happened to radiate up to your buttcheek,” Chaewon corrected while resisting to roll her eyes.

Hyunjin only responded by lying down, scooting her body near the edge of her bed and patted the spot next to her, knowing that Chaewon liked to sleep near the wall. Sighing at the invite, the blonde laid her body on top of Hyunjin’s before rolling off and onto the empty space. With a grunt of annoyance, the taller girl chose not to comment on her friend’s unconventional way of getting onto the bed.

They stayed silent for a bit, just staring up at the ceiling from where they had just come through. One second, they were on the roof of their school and the next, they were in Hyunjin’s room. It didn’t make sense. It was impossible yet they had experienced it together.

“My Mom’s really sick,” Hyunjin finally spoke up. She swallowed another lump in her throat that she could feel forming. “I don’t know what to do,” she whispered as she felt Chaewon’s hand slip back into hers like they were magnets. “Medicine isn’t enough. I keep telling her to go seek professional help so she can sort out what’s in her head, and she does, but,” Hyunjin bit her lip and turned to face the other girl. “You see my Mom all the time and she always seems okay, but it’s all just an act, an act that she displays to her doctors too. And what if, what if she needs more help than just that? Will they take her away from me?” Tears didn’t fall this time, but the pounding of her heart felt so heavily against her chest.

“I don’t know the answers to that.” Chaewon didn’t know what to say. She knew Hyunjin’s mom wasn’t doing well, but she didn’t know to what extent. It made her feel guilty that she got a glimpse into that part of her best friend’s life that the other has been trying to keep away for so long.

“I’m sorry you had to see that.”

Chaewon frowned, tugging Hyunjin’s hand to get the brunette to look at her. “You don’t ever need to apologize for something out of your control.” She then sighed as they just stared at each other, finding comfort in eyes that could read one another better than anyone else. “I really think this is something you have to discuss with your aunt. For as long as I’ve known you, it just seems like it’s getting worse and I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I don’t want it to escalate to the point where it gets completely out of control,” she advised out of concern from what she had witnessed.

“Yeah,” Hyunjin quietly agreed, not wanting to talk anymore. Untangling their fingers, she then turned her back towards Chaewon. “I have an early shift tomorrow. Night,” she mumbled while squeezing her eyes shut, cutting their conversation short.

Chaewon’s breathing felt like it was taking twice the energy as she stared at the back of Hyunjin’s head before pulling the blanket up on them and carefully placing an arm around the brunette’s waist. A bittersweet smile formed when she felt Hyunjin’s hand go on top of hers and leaned back against her body. “Night,” she mumbled back, letting the warmth wash over her.

**Author's Note:**

> i like discussions or just anything really https://curiouscat.qa/loonachos


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